Monday, September 27, 2010


Love seems sort of like... gambling or something. Like, since there's no way for us to download another person's feelings or thoughts, and neither of those can be adequately expressed through words, we can never be 100% sure if there's something better than what we feel and think now. You feel stronger about one person than you have about anyone else, but what if you're just way behind in experience, and actually what you feel is only like 15% of the highest extent of love you are capable of feeling. But you don't know that, so you marry the person you feel the strongest for, and after 20 years or so, you meet that person who you were supposed to be with, the one for whom you feel the highest capacity of love that you can ever feel for any human being. What then? I feel like to say you love someone, and to marry them, you're saying "I know that I will never feel more about a person than I feel for you." And I know feelings come and go, and the honeymoon period ends and all that, but some small piece of that feeling should never go away, I think... and what if you get into it with this person, believing with all your honest heart that you love them as much as you will ever love anyone, and it turns out that you don't? That there is someone else out there. You didn't know, and it doesn't mean that the 15% capacity you felt for the original person is any less.. it's just that THIS person, you can feel 100% for. I don't know. Blah. It's not that the original person was lacking in any way... you honestly thought and felt that was what love was. =/ What then?

1 comment:

  1. I know what you mean. I've been in love once; however didn't get to marry the guy as he didn't want the commitment. However, now, he's a single Dad; and I'm proud of him but don't hear about him too much. I still love him because he treated me well.

    I have found that I can't put myself out there again. I have been hurt since this first love and I don't see myself out there; it's just too much to let somebody in again. So, I'm on my own; but not lonely.