Alternate title: Jesse can't cook.
I must start by reminding my like 4 readers that I am obviously home for Thanksgiving break because my dorm room does not require the necessary appliances for cooking. (After reading this, you will probably think this is a good thing.....) Thus the references to parents and tupperware and ovens and all other assorted vehicles of cooking mania that I do not normally have in my posession. (don't ask why I'm talking so formally - it's 7 am. Just... let's leave it at that.)
Meet my "fried rice." (the SECOND batch of it. Because cooking horrible abominations isn't good enough - I have to do it twice. o.O The second one is actually the worse of the two...)
First... I am the worst rice cooker on the planet. Every single time I attempt to cook rice, I fail. I always end up with like 3 inches of water with the rice, DESPITE my best efforts to follow the direction on the packaging. Thus, my rice always resembles mush. Sigh.
Second... this one is not my fault. My house consisted of NO vegetables WHATSOEVER... except, well, tomatoes... and this. So... I used both. XD I sauteed the tomatoes (and didn't realize that for some reason my oven's dials do not turn the way I thought they should... I assumed I had it on "medium low" heat... when in actuality I had it on "medium high" heat. When my tomatoes were frying to a crisp and splattering everywhere [hot grease, mind you - hot buttery tomato-y grease], I turned it to what I thought was "low" but turned out to be "high" ... AHG! Anyway)
Third isn't that bad... leftover ham from Thanksgiving... to substitute for the "pork" that would normally go in fried rice. Ham is pig. Pork is pig. Makes sense? (I'm waiting for someone who can actually cook to post and be like "OMG NO, COMPLETELY DIFFERENT!")
This is the result of my first attempt. I actually ate a good portion of it (NOTE this entire thing occurred because I haven't done any homework over Thanksgiving like... at all... and am now attempting to smash it all into the last 24 hours of it. So it was like 5 am and I was starving and craving Chinese food.... so I [again avoiding homework] went online and found a fried rice recipe. Thankfully we didn't have the ingredients for the "Sweet and sour chicken" recipe I found, or else this would probably be a post about how my house just burned down)... Things were looking rather good at first... I discovered that I actually LIKE scrambled eggs when they are cooked in a tbsp of butter... it balances out that nasty sulfuric taste and replaces it with a sweet buttery goodness @_@
But in the end, utter disaster. It has taken up its permanent home in the tupperware in the fridge... with a sign begging someone to eat it (which means, depending on who finds it first, either dad will devour it and claim it's delicious and I won't be able to tell if he is just trying to make me feel better or if his tastebuds really are that far gone O_O... [my father is known to eat just about anything "edible" and like it... besides peas and those cereal snack bars that had the "milk" in them, I've never heard him say he doesn't like something]... OOOOR my mom will throw it out. Dad usually wakes up first, let's hope for that one.)
So... all in all... I should stick to cooking simple things like spaghetti, toast, and rice krispie treats, because frankly.... tomatoes? in fried rice? WTF.