I haven't had time to do most of the stuff I planned to do this month, so I think I'm going to extend it into February, maybe even the whole semester... just try really hard.
Something I have done.... recently I've been stressing out about all the things I want to do with my life and how I feel like I'm being forced to make decisions about these things and I don't like it. I've constructed a jar... haha. It's a glass jar that I have decorated with paint, nailpolish, and glitter... it says "To: God, From: Me" and the lid says "Altar" ... inside of it, I'm going to write on slips of paper all the ideas... things I want for my future, hopes dreams, etc... everything I feel like I really want but don't know how I'm going to fit it into my life... and I'm going to put all those slips of paper into this jar, seal it up, and give it to God. I hate that phrase, by the way. But I'm not going to worry about it. I'm going to put them in there as a way of saying "This semester, I don't worry about my future. I don't make extensive plans. I don't freak out. I lay out all the options, then I shut them away." I'll pray about it all semester, and at graduation I'll open the jar back up and do some serious thinking/talking to God about what I should do with all of it.
I've found that instead of doing what I need to do in the here and now, I think too far ahead into my future and worry about things that I won't even need to deal with until waaaay later.
I've also recently made a mix cd with a song for each major period of my life, and it was rather awesome getting to make it... to line everything up and put it all in perspective.
I'm participating in a swap on www.swap-bot.com where for a week, you go out of your way to intentionally notice all the really awesome details and things that make life worth living, and then write a letter about it, seeing how it affects your life. I thought this coincided perfectly with Operation Project Openness, and am excited to have a concrete THING I can do. :D
I'm having a really hard time right now, realizing I still have feelings for a guy that I thought I was over. And since things are stressful right now, and my boyfriend is distant... things are even harder. Ugh.
So yeah. Things are a mess, and I feel like I can't handle them. I wish I knew how to "rely on God" to get through this junk... I mean, talk to him lots? is that all there is to it? I don't even know what to say.. "Hi, uh, my life sucks, can you do something about it? please? Also, thank you for making snow. It's pretty." That just sounds lame.